Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Ghosts Are Bad For Real Estate

This story is creepy regardless of whether or not you believe in ghosts. When I moved into my new house at the age of five, I was scared of being in my room because I thought someone or something was in there. I would sleep in my older sister's bed most nights. She also believed there was someone in her closet. Sleeping together in the same room would calm us down. There was never any actual proof of a ghost like blood on the walls; we both just had "gut" feelings about it. Therefore, as we grew up, we grew out of these fears.

Over a decade after I started sleeping by myself, I jokingly talked to my mom about the ghost in my room. Her eyebrows rose, and she started telling me a story I never heard before. My dad made her keep it a secret until I told her about my ghost story. Around the time when we moved in, my parents both woke up in the middle of the night to "scampering" down the upstairs hall outside of their room.   They checked every room assuming it was one of the three kids up past their bedtime, but we were all "sound asleep." Her eyebrows rose because the scampering came from my room, where I said I believed there was a ghost. My parents thought it was a burglar after they made sure my siblings and I were asleep, but the house was empty. My dad strictly forbids everyone in the family from telling this story because when houses are rumored to be haunted, they do not sell well. I put this story on the Internet because I do not want my parents to sell the house.

Word Count: 289

Point: If you have a ghost in your house, do not tell anyone because houses are more difficult to sell when people know they are haunted and your home loses financial value.

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4 comments:

  1. I like how your story seems to be scary at first but turns out to be something totally different, but if I really have to make a suggestion, then I guess you could revise the first line a little to get the reader into the scary feeling.

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  2. I like how your story is scary. The only suggestion I have is that maybe you you should take out the etc because it doesn't really add much to the story.

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  3. Your story has an interesting concept. However, to improve the story, I would revise the first sentence. The first sentence shouldn't reveal a lot about your story. Instead, it should make the reader want to continue reading.

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  4. I can't say I didn't enjoy your story, but I do believe it is lacking. Maybe add more detail on the possible ghost or even do a background search on the house itself. I suggest revising the first sentence to something that draws the reader in.

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